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Grown-up

Friday, July 8, 2011

(Thursday’s Post)

My mom and I drove back from Virginia to New York. Before we left, we went to pick up the rental car and a few snacks for the road. I knew where we were going. I was driving my mother around in my sister’s car (instead of the past four years of my mother driving me around). I felt like a grown-up again.

One of the harder things about being disabled and extremely ill for an extended period of time is that I became very dependent on other people for all my most basic needs. Prior to the Lyme debacle, I was working full-time (or maybe a little more than full-time). I was training other staff members that we hired. I traveled a lot for work and sometimes for pleasure. I had raised a teenager with a friend who needed help taking care of his sibling. (That was fun and rewarding and challenging all at the same time…one of the best decisions I ever made.) I helped my parents with whatever they needed. I was busy and independent and functional.

Then with Lyme, I reverted to a level of dependence on people that I hadn’t experienced since grade school (or maybe kindergarten). It helped me figure out who I could count on for emotional as well as logistical support and which friends needed everything to be about them all the time.

Little by little, I’ve become more independent. It started with being able to walk around the neighborhood on my own. Then driving. Then getting stronger. And the weeks with my sister made me realize that other people can rely on me, even though my capacity is still limited.

Renting a car. Driving more than 100 miles in one day. These things made me feel like an adult again. I’m not where I used to be, but I’m inching forward in that direction.

Coiling

None. Spent most of the day in the car.

Detox

  • homeopathic support (only the kidney & liver remedies, everything else was packed)
  • sunshine (through the windshield)

Body

I was generally in decent condition most of the day. I had some back pain during the first part of the trip. Could have been menstrual cramps, could have been stress from packing the car with the heavy coil machine parts, could have been poor positioning of the seat in the rental car. But the pain resolved on its own at some point.

Then, around 4pm, 5 hours into the trip, I got a headache. This was not just any headache. This was an excruciating headache that made me want to poke a hole in my skull and drain out the poison. It lasted all the way until I went to bed. I got it to diminish by chewing gum, but the relief only lasted 20 minutes and couldn’t be replicated. (Believe me, I tried!) So I did my best to operate over it. I tried to sleep in the car for a bit, but mostly rested with my eyes closed. The pain was too intense. It didn’t go away until I got home and slept for 9 hours.

I tried to figure out the source of the headache. I’ve had these before. I’ve had them on day 2 of my menstrual cycle. I’ve had them when my back was hurting. I’ve had them a week or two after Lyme coiling sessions.I had them often when I was doing IV antibiotics. I’ve had them when I’ve been exposed to too much sunlight. Who knows?

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