I’m heading off to a retreat today. I’m going with a group of people, some of whom I know well, and some of whom I don’t. These retreats are an important part of my healing process. They break the isolation of living alone by spending a whole weekend with lots of people. They interrupt the feeling that only other people with my condition can understand me, as I usually have several friends doing their best to get in with me.
One of the harder things about living with long term illnesses, including tick-borne illnesses, is that we have to learn to ask for help. Our allies are often disappointing, making mistakes that hurt us but not them, not realizing that when we say we need to lean on them, we actually mean it. And yet, we have a choice. We can give up on everyone (maybe with one or two people we treasure as exceptions), a choice that often seems appealing and less full of heartache and aggravation.
Or we can take charge of training our allies to help us figure out what we need, how they can provide it, and what we can do for ourselves. That is much harder. It means facing frustration over and over. It means that logistical arrangements won’t work out, that we will be more tired and in more pain than if we stayed at home, isolated. It means that we will sometimes have to let go of people we desperately want to depend on until they decide to be dependable, and instead learn how to rely on those who are willing to learn and available to help, with a minimum of coaxing.
The second is a much more difficult option. I’ve learned that it’s well worth it. I’ve been able to counteract the despair of having my life on hold for so many years by spending time developing relationships with people I can trust. I’ve had a place to work on my hopelessness about ever getting better. I’ve also created opportunities to laugh and dream and not be bogged down by the limits of my body.
That’s where I’m headed in a short while.
Today’s post is abbreviated, because I’m writing it early in the day, and it may not include all the symptoms I’ll face before bed…
Since I’m not going to be able to coil tomorrow, I did an extra Bartonella session today.
- Bartonella, abdomen, 5 minutes; chest, 2 minutes
- Babesia, chest, 5 minutes; abdomen, 5 minutes; ilium, 1 minute each side; knees/elbows, 1 minute
- Candida, abdomen, 10 minutes; chest, 2 minutes; face, 2 minutes
Only the basics and not all of those.
- homeopathic support (morning dose only, who wants to carry all those bottles?)
- skin brushing
Sleep is a big issue right now. I’m having a hard time going to bed at night. Last night I was up until 2am trying to sleep. (I have a friend or two in California to call for a bedtime story. I used both last night because I was way too awake to drift off until after the second bedtime story.)
Once I fell asleep, though, I slept straight through for about 7.5 hours.
This morning, I’m having a lot of whole body pain. A dull ache on my left side (head to toe). Sharp pains in my right arm, shoulder, neck, jaw and ear. A sharp pain stretching from my left hip down the outside of my leg to my knee.
I have a headache and some light sensitivity. The urinary hesitation went away last night and for a while this morning. It’s back now, but with less intensity.
I was nauseated after breakfast and again after lunch, but less than yesterday. Maybe that’s starting to clear up.
I’m looking forward to sleeping these next two nights. I sleep better when there’s someone else in the room.
Categories: healing process
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