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What it takes to be normal

Monday, July 4, 2011

(This is Sunday’s post.)

Two outings in the evening meant that I knew I couldn’t overdo it during the day. I watched my sister do a hundred things around the house, cooking, cleaning, childcare, phone calls, exercise. And I felt almost guilty, lying around either on the couch or on the screened in porch. I had to rest even if I didn’t have evening activities. I was tired from two days of being out and about and living right past my daily activity limit.

I wished I had that kind of energy she does. I wished that I had enough energy to juice as often as I should, to be able to prepare all my own food, to write more, to do yoga, to go for walks, to help out while I’m here, or do other projects when I’m home. I wish for that all the time and yesterday I could really feel it. Once I can manage all that, I’ll get around to wishing I had enough energy to start working again…

In reality, I’ve been able to do more here than I expected, but less than I wanted. I still require so much rest.

At the barbecues we went to, I met new people. Always the question is about what one does for work. In the past, I’ve said I was disabled, not working for money and writing a novel. This time, I didn’t hide behind the pretense that I’m focused on something besides my health (especially since I haven’t had enough capacity to write since I started the blog). I was honest about not working now and I mentioned what I used to do. That gave people a variety of topics to choose from to continue the conversation. It mostly worked. I asked about them as well, but less focused on their jobs than I might have 4 years ago when I, too, identified so much with what I did for work.

It is less obvious now that I am still struggling with my health. The outward markers of struggle are gone: the cane and limp are gone, my skin has returned to a relatively healthy looking color, I don’t tilt over when I stand, and I don’t look confused from losing track of the conversations from brain fog. So I seem okay. Generally, I find myself a place to sit pretty quickly because I do get tired from standing (more so since I’m doing more activity these days). I wonder what people think after meeting me.

Coiling

None. Not for a good reason. I couldn’t get my act together during the morning, forgot in the afternoon and was way too tired when I got home.

Detox

  • homeopathic support
  • skin brushing
  • kombucha
  • rest

Body

No night sweat. Woke up earlier than expected. Lots of spine pain in the morning, continuing with other back pain during the day. I think it’s still the Lyme Herx.

Floaters in my vision are back.

Heavy fatigue all day long. I never got myself to take a nap, but I spent most of the day lying down or with my legs elevated while sitting. I think this is also the Lyme Herx.

Early to bed (before 10pm) because I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Disclaimer

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