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Dreams and goals

Friday, May 6, 2011

It’s been over 4 years since I had to stop working because of Lyme disease et alia. I spend a lot of time at home, a lot of time resting, a lot of time unable to do things I’d like to do. I’ve prioritized time with friends and family as the thing I spend my energy on, after health related activities, of course.

I can pull myself together for a day, sometimes two, to get something important done or to attend an event. But then I pay for it for a week.

That means that what I want to do can take a long time to get to. Not from procrastination but from limits that most people in their 30s don’t experience.

Still, I have dreams. A few days ago, I watched an episode of Enterprise and got really upset at the conclusion. I complained about it to a few friends, then I had some new thoughts. Using an idea from the episode, I came up with an idea for another novel (number 6 in the series of which I haven’t finished number 1). I dream of being an author. I have ideas for at least 8 novels and a novella. How amazing would it be to have enough energy to work on them?

Goals are a whole different concept. Goals have time frames and endpoints. I struggle with these. I try to set short term goals, such as sending out a birthday card or dealing with my insurance company. Often I manage to do them a week or two after I originally planned. It’s rough to live like that. Most days, I set a goal or two for the day. That’s it. My other goals are the daily upkeep: coiling, detoxing, rest, weekly exercise, contact with friends or family to keep myself sane.

Before I got sick, I used to have lots of goals and accomplish many things each day and each week, even if I set my sights higher than what I could actually achieve. This is a different kind of life.

Coiling

I’m starting to get a bit more aggressive during this time that I don’t have a lot of people depending on me. I’m increasing Babesia by another minute. I also coiled for Lyme today, 10 days after the last session and 30 seconds longer.

  • Lyme, abdomen, 4 minutes
  • Babesia, chest, 4 minutes; liver, 4 minutes
  • Candida, abdomen, 10 minutes

When I coiled for Lyme, I had an immediate reaction. This hasn’t happened since the first few sessions. Usually I feel nothing for 2 days before the Herx starts. Today I got a headache and severe light sensitivity right away. To be sure, I’m taking colestid before bed.

After coiling for Babesia, I had a bit of chest constriction and a small lump in my throat. I took some magnesium.

Detox

No more homeopathic remedies for a few days. Otherwise, it’s a normal day.

  • kombucha
  • juiced greens
  • skin brushing
  • BioMat
  • castor oil pack on liver
  • colestid

Body

I had no night sweat last night.

I knew something was up when I woke up this morning. My cat needed my attention at about 7:30am. I put my right hand on his back, I could see where it was, but there was absolutely no sensation in my hand, from the wrist to the fingertips. I moved my left arm to see how that hand was doing. Same thing. I shifted my shoulders and then the pain started. Intense, terrible pain, as my hands regained sensation.

Then, I’ve had problems all day with my right leg. It’s been tingling when I lie down or sit down for any stretch of time. My right arm tingled, too. That was my impetus for making sure I coiled for Lyme today.

As mentioned, I’ve had a horrible headache with extreme light sensitivity since I coiled at 5pm. It’s making me a little grumpy.

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