Today was day one of sorts. I didn’t fight with myself about getting lots of things done. I coiled. I went to the gym and sat in a hot tub for a few minutes to loosen my joints, then into the dry sauna for 15 minutes. I went for a walk. I took a nap. I ate. I’m about to coil again.
I didn’t get much done. But I didn’t spend the whole day wishing I was going to get through my list of activities, so I was much less stressed out. I figure, there’s always tomorrow. Tomorrow is not a gym day, so I will have a bit more time at home to go back to my list. And if I need to rest, I will.
As I was walking today, I was thinking about what it is like not to resist the life I have, not to resist my needs. I’m not against struggle. There are many things I need to struggle with, and there are many values (like political freedom or access to health care) that are worth fighting for. Right now, my struggle is against a series of infections. If I can limit my struggle to that, I can open up ease in other areas of my life. I can enjoy other activities and not struggle with them.
Of course, anytime I think of the phrase, “resistance is futile,” I go back to the Borg and to the months of learning to relax and watch tv (or dvds) when I got sick and couldn’t be a workaholic anymore.
There is a part of me that wants to go back to working, wants to run around every day and do fun things, wants to plant the garden behind our house, wants to write novels, wants to do so much. And there is another part of me that wants to rest because when I don’t I have a hard time doing anything else.
Ultimately, I’m still learning to notice the direction of my life’s momentum, then slowly get in sync with it and guide it in my desired direction.
So, I’m back to life with Lyme. The other stuff was fun while it lasted.
Today is Babesia, morning and night, full body scans.
- skin brushing
- dry sauna
- antioxidants in pill form
I’m feeling the cumulative results of increased coiling activities. With plenty of rest, I’m able to be myself for an hour or two at a time. (Myself means not grumpy or distracted by pain.)
A big issue right now is my intestines. I woke up with pain in my intestines this morning. Three large bowel movements later, the pain was gone but I still felt stuffed up. This evening, I’m full of gas. My abdomen is hard and it hurts again. I think this is from Bartonella.
I’ve got floaters in my eyes and light sensitivity. It’s odd but the first bit of coiling for Babesia and the symptoms diminished. Now that I’m on a full coiling schedule, I feel bad like I used to. Lower blood pressure, massive fatigue, needing to lay down a lot, easily winded, chest compression, night sweats.
Then I’ve got the Lyme flare and resulting bigger herxes with neurological pain, joint pain, clumsiness, mistakes typing, difficulty remembering words when I’m talking, a harder time concentrating. I’ve jumped right into the thick of it.